Life Incomplete

When you know you have met the person that meets all the expectations of being that special one you ever dreamed of little stands in the way to bring the two together. It is funny how the heart yearns and burns for love but the head cooly plays the other side of reason and rationale. Which one is right? Is there a right side? Should they both be taken with a grain of salt? Should they both be equalled out finding the medium? Should one be slightly weightier than the other? 

Head: that thinker which stops many a foolish act or on the side helps to start the path toward success. 

Heart: that feeler which knows deep down inside what it yearns for and can only be satisfied by the company of the desired one or thing. 

It is funny that I went to TW because of a girl (heart), but have gone back and forth from there to America (currently residing) only to have the heart aching for the one who bounced into my life over four years ago. Why don't  my head and my heart agree on this thing? Or is it that heart is divided between two loves? I want to play cello and make a living in that, but I want to be with my girl, too. Are they two exclusive entities that cannot coexist? TW offers some chances of music but it also has the opportunity of low cost living. The U.S. offer more playing but higher cost of living. 

I am a frustrated guy. I left TW to find more playing time. But starting over again and again Leaves me with yearning, searching, left on the fringes, living like a vagabond without much to his name. Barely living from one moment to the next. Money is comstantly a worry. At least together we could live comfortably in TW. Well, I regret not sticking with my decision for at least a couple more years. And i miss my girl enough to bring me to tears regularly. 

I have messed up my life by the indecision and the anger. Tossing out the possibilities like they were toxic waste, scared that I might be a failure at anything I try. Funny how I can suceed at some things but arbitrarily determine that other undertakings would be impossible. 

Give me one year back and I would stick with my decision to live in TW and marry the girl of my dreams. Give me four years back and I would satch up the euphoria upon meeting and realizing what a special opportunity stood before me. I dismiss all fears and face the future with a wide stance, work clothes on, and a steady gait toward my dreams. 

Alas, returning to fix mistakes is never granted. Only this day is given in which to work and forge the tools to build a succeessful future with. I need the diligence and the positive attitude to march forward keeping the eyes on my goals. Maybe I can get both music and my love when I think this way. To anyone who has been through similar experiences, pease, give me just one word of encouragement. Sometimes I just need a little nudge to continue on. My dreams are waiting for me to get going. 

One question, America or Taiwan?

Vocabulary Update

It has been basically a year in Taiwan now. I have put some effort into learning off and on, but have never pledged myself to daily, diligent study of Chinese. There have been some weeks where I do study four or five days in a row however. Those weeks are noticeably different whenever I speak Chinese, in a good way. Some new words are inevitably stuck in my memory as a result of consistent study and therefore find myself using this new vocabulary without having to recall it with a lot of effort.  The other positive effect of regular study is the ability to understand more in conversation. It's interesting to note that my study involves reading and writing, but no conversation. The brain is really amazing in this regard.

In terms of pure vocabulary usage and recognition I now would say that I can read close to half of what I see. There are those exceptions when I see words that are similar and have found out later that it was actually a different word because of an extra dot or a slanted stroke. Maybe to be a little more accurate (sounds a little oxymoronic, but....) perhaps recognition is between 40% and 50%.

When I'm out and about I find myself understanding more of what people are saying, whether in normal conversation or talking with a bus driver, for example. In fact, I have picked up some new ways to express desire to get off the bus. At first, I used the vocabulary I had and used a rather round about and long way of asking to get out: Dui bu qi, wo ke yi zai "Xin Yi Lu" xia che ma? Translation: Sorry, can I get off the bus at Xin Yi Road?. The bus driver looked at me rather incredulously and asked something to the effect: Na li ah? Zai Xin Yi Dun Hua lu de lu kou ma? Translation: Where? At Xin Yi and Dun Hua Road intersection? To which I usually responded: "Dui. Ke yi." Translation: Yes, I can do that.

Later I heard others barking out or stating what they desired to do. (It sounds like an imperative to the uninitiated.) Most passengers simply state: Wo yao xia. This is translated as, I want to get off. The bus, I noticed, never seemed offended or impatient with this sort of expression, whereas with my method many of them seemed somewhat bothered or at least confused. I began my own verbal journey without really knowing what I sounded like to the bus drivers, and am currently gravitating to the native way. So far, I have found the drivers to be treating me like a normal Taiwanese passenger and without confused expressions on their faces.

At least for the public transportation, short and direct is best. There is no need for learning a lot of vocabulary for these things but in my adventures on the buses I have certainly been thankful for the expanding vocabulary to find out more of what I want to know. However, once off the bus, a wider knowledge speaking and vocabulary usage is obviously more useful, as with any broader range of activities one had to know more to participate effectively.

The Chinese Weekly

國語週刋 = ㄍㄨㄛˊ ㄩˇ ㄓㄡ ㄎㄢ = Guo Yu Zhou Kan

My girlfriend's uncle is the more intellectual type, but also obsessive in some ways, too. He hails from Kinmen--the little island off the coast of China, about 10 km from Xian. He's a collector. His house is chuck full of teapots, thousands of teapots, big and small. He's also a journalist and teaches the same at a university in Taipei. (Now that I've written the obligatory segue, it's time to get to the real point of this entry.)

Last week I came home from church to find a stack of large books--the size of those atlas' that your elementary school had in their tiny but fairly well-stocked library--on the table. The books are actually a collections of magazines bound together. I didn't count but perhaps a year's worth of issues per book for a total of 12 issues in each collection.

Yes, these are actually intended for Taiwanese children to learn Mandarin Chinese. Furthermore, just as in the other children's books that I am reading, the ubiquitous bopomofo in use render's every last word pronounceable. There's enough material there for three years of reading if I were to follow the schedule  of the issues as outlined in the table of contents.

Brilliantly, the editors have also included games and other thought inducing activities to keep the learner's mind sharp and focused. I believe I will have to take a break from the fairy tales for now and switch to the more varied activities offered in these magazines.

(Pictures pending)