Head: that thinker which stops many a foolish act or on the side helps to start the path toward success.
Heart: that feeler which knows deep down inside what it yearns for and can only be satisfied by the company of the desired one or thing.
It is funny that I went to TW because of a girl (heart), but have gone back and forth from there to America (currently residing) only to have the heart aching for the one who bounced into my life over four years ago. Why don't my head and my heart agree on this thing? Or is it that heart is divided between two loves? I want to play cello and make a living in that, but I want to be with my girl, too. Are they two exclusive entities that cannot coexist? TW offers some chances of music but it also has the opportunity of low cost living. The U.S. offer more playing but higher cost of living.
I am a frustrated guy. I left TW to find more playing time. But starting over again and again Leaves me with yearning, searching, left on the fringes, living like a vagabond without much to his name. Barely living from one moment to the next. Money is comstantly a worry. At least together we could live comfortably in TW. Well, I regret not sticking with my decision for at least a couple more years. And i miss my girl enough to bring me to tears regularly.
I have messed up my life by the indecision and the anger. Tossing out the possibilities like they were toxic waste, scared that I might be a failure at anything I try. Funny how I can suceed at some things but arbitrarily determine that other undertakings would be impossible.
Give me one year back and I would stick with my decision to live in TW and marry the girl of my dreams. Give me four years back and I would satch up the euphoria upon meeting and realizing what a special opportunity stood before me. I dismiss all fears and face the future with a wide stance, work clothes on, and a steady gait toward my dreams.
Alas, returning to fix mistakes is never granted. Only this day is given in which to work and forge the tools to build a succeessful future with. I need the diligence and the positive attitude to march forward keeping the eyes on my goals. Maybe I can get both music and my love when I think this way. To anyone who has been through similar experiences, pease, give me just one word of encouragement. Sometimes I just need a little nudge to continue on. My dreams are waiting for me to get going.
One question, America or Taiwan?
